Customer support jokes

This page focusses on jokes that somehow have to do with prepress, printing or printers. If you know a joke that isn’t listed yet, add it using the comments function.

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer’s tech support number, complaining about the error message: “Can’t find the printer.” On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn’t find it.


A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The Tech asked her if she was “running it under Windows.” The woman responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that’s a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine.”


During a soccer championship a German newspaper printed jokes about Scottish people daily.
A Scot called the newspaper’s support desk: “If you don’t stop printing jokes about Scottish people I won’t lend your newspaper anymore.”


I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard’s DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn’t solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but it printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow.

I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked.

I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, “Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?”


When a guy’s printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, “Does your boss know that you discourage business?”

“Actually, it’s my boss’s idea,” the employee replied sheepishly. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”


According to some support engineers a printer is comprised of three main parts; the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.


Last week I was with one of the summer interns, and in the lobby, the receptionist was complaining that her printer wasn’t working. The intern messed around with it and discovered the problem. A pen was stuck inside, causing it to jam.

He started to fiddle with it, and tried sticking his fingers down inside to get the pen, but I told him we didn’t have time for that right now. I told him to put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it, and we would report it to the help desk.

So he grabs a piece of paper and starts to write the note down. I left before he finished the note, so I wondered why not even 20 minutes later, I got a call from one of my techs. He said that he had found the note on the printer, and was slightly concerned. Not understanding why, I asked him to bring the note to me. What could possible cause a concern about a jammed printer. Seeing the note, I understood why:

“DONOT TOUCH PENIS INSIDE!”


You cannot have a page about computer technicians without the infamous ‘IBM note about the proper maintenance of mice’. It is outdated, probably fake but funny nevertheless.

MEMO

Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

15 May 2016

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