Weird fonts & typophiles

This page contains a list of classic jokes about fonts and typography. You can probably find loads of others on forums like typophile.com.


One font meets the other in Rome. He asks: “Hey, are you a Roman too?” “No,” says the other, “but I am an Italic!”


“Wow, you always have so many fonts, where do you get them from?”
“Oh they come from Monaco, Geneva, Chicago, New York… I get them delivered at various Times throughout the day…”
“By who?”
“A Courier!”


A font walks up to Gill Sans and asks: “Do you want to go out with me?”
Gill Sans says “No!”
“Why don’t you want to go out with me?” the other font asks.
Gill Sans: “Because you’re Grotesque!”


“Did you hear? Comma and Period got married.”
“Really? Comma’s a great guy, but who’s Period?
“Some moody chick he picked up at the Crossbar a year ago.”
“I bet she’s perfect for him.
“Yep, she’s always finishing his sentences.”


Two fonts walk into the bar, and the barman says, “Sorry lads, we don’t serve your type.”


A sans-serif face walks into the street and is hit by a Swiss Modernist truck. The carnage is grotesk… but you know, akzidenz happen.


There is a new revival of Cooper Black rolling on to the market which only contains ordinals. It is called Mini-Cooper.


What type of diabetes is a graphic designer most likely to get diagnosed with?
Type 1


What kind of relationships do typophiles prefer?
The open type


What did the typographer say to the printer who wouldn’t stop talking?
“Get to the point.”


What is the type designer’s favorite breakfast?
Kern flakes!


Why did the traveling typeface salesman cross the road?
Because he forgot his Suitcase!


Mark Twain was the first author to use the typewriter. He supposedly typed a manuscript for his publisher who wrote back that he left out the punctuation. Twain sent back a sheet filled with periods, commas, semicolons, etc. “Insert where necessary”, he said.


How many typesetters does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but be sure to specify how tight you want it.


‘Font’ is a four letter word that starts with an ‘F’.


How long does it take for a type designer to change a light bulb?
It depends on if you need it to be normal, bold, or heavy.


Client: “The layout is pretty spot on, but the hooky letters—”
Me: “The font, you mean?”
Client: “Yes, the font. It’s too snooty. It’s not any fun.”
Me: “I think it makes everything look quite professional.”
Client: “It’s too cold… What’s that sand one I like? With the sand letters.
Me: “I have no idea. I mean, I vaguely recall something called sand, but—”
Client: “Comic sands! That’s it. The Comic sands is the one I want.”


In the beginning was the Word. Then Chuck added other letters, numbers and signs.
Some letters are so afraid of Chuck Norris that they form ligatures.
Chuck Norris once started designing a typeface when he was drunk. That night the “w” was born.
Chuck Norris shot the serif.
Chuck Norris biography is an entire book made of orphans and widows.

More Chuck Norris


Let’s finish with a proofreading joke:

In an ancient monastery, a new monk arrived to dedicate his life to subservient solitude and to join the others copying ancient records. The first thing he noticed was that other monks were copying, by
hand, books that had already been copied by hand.

The new monk had to speak up. “Forgive me, Brother Mark, but copying other copies by hand allows many chances for error. How do we know we aren’t copying someone else’s mistakes? Are they ever checked against the originals?”

Brother Mark was startled! No one had ever suggested that before. “Well, that is a good point, my son. I will take one of these latest books down to the vault and study it against its original document.” He went deep into the vault where no one else was allowed to enter and started to study.

The day passed and it was getting late in the evening. The monks were getting worried about Brother Mark. Finally, the new monk started making his way through the old vault and after he searched for a while, he heard sobbing.

“Brother Mark?” he called. The sobbing was louder as he came nearer. He finally found the old monk sitting at a table with both the new copy and the original ancient book in front of him. It was obvious that Brother Mark had been crying for a long time.

“What is the matter?” asked the concerned new monk. “Oh, my Lord,” sobbed Brother Mark, “the word is ‘CELEBRATE’ !!”

3 January 2017

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